While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
