Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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