You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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