you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
