Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
