I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
