I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You pole danced in your parka.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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