is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
did you just send me my own nude
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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