Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
