Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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