you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
