The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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