Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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