Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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