someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
