You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
