You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize