For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
