susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
