Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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