I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
