If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
