i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
