It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
