well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
