I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
