he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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