I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
