do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Randomize
