his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
