If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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