dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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