I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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