Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
