you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
