We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
