when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
