I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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