Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
