i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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