wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
