Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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