we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just forgot I was standing up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
