Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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