you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
