the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
