A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
