A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
