i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
