Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
