I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
