YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's blow job season.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
