You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
