Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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