oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
