I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
