she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
