I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
