I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
