I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
