He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
