Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
