biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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