are you still at the devil's house?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
