ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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