STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
