Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
