I can tuck mytits in my pants
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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