So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
