i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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