Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't EVER smell your tampon
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
