and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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