I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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