insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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