Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
