I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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