I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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