Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
