If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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