So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Shame - the story of my life.
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