Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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